Although I am a few days late with posting this, I still felt that it was extremely important to share my thoughts and feelings regarding my soberversary. On November 6, I celebrated 2 years of sobriety from my love and sex addiction. I am both astonished and beyond proud for not only honoring the commitment I made to myself to stop chasing love but amazed with how many other things I have unexpectedly gained in my recovery. I finally feel content and at peace with my life which is something that I can honestly say I have never experienced before. Instead of using every ounce of energy and resources I had to chase love, I am fully present in my life and able to enjoy quality time with my son and other friends and family, be productive at my job, and fully immerse myself in my grad school education. I am immersing myself so fully in fact that halfway through the program, I have a 4.0. Yet another blessing of recovery....
I have posted here before about SLAA and working the 12 Steps. Unfortunately I have not done that yet because I simply do not have the time. Right before I started school, I was able to find a sponsor (which is extremely hard to do in SLAA) because I planned to begin my step work but I drastically underestimated the work and focus that grad school would require. Obviously my recovery is the most important thing but I made a commitment to myself regarding getting my masters and I feel that honoring that commitment is part of my journey to loving myself. Because I am employed as a drug and alcohol counselor in a residential treatment facility, I have daily exposure to the 12 Steps and individual/group discussions regarding addiction, sobriety, recovery, and relapse. Although it's not the same as actually working the steps of my program, my job has helped me in my own recovery more than I could have ever imagined. I learn something new there everyday. I feel beyond grateful and blessed that I have my job, I know that I am exactly where I am supposed to be, doing exactly what I am supposed to do.
Also I have decided that I will not attempt to date again until I am done with my masters program in December 2021. I made that decision because I feel as if I have to continue learning to love myself before I can ever truly love another. However to that end, I am educating myself about relationship patterns that people have and why these patterns continue. Of course there are many factors but the one I am currently focused on is attachment style which was developed by John Bowlby several decades ago. I am currently reading a book entitled Attached, written by Dr. Amir Levine and Rachel Heller. Here is a blurb about the book pulled from the website AttachedTheBook.com:
In Attached, psychiatrist and neuroscientist Dr. Amir Levine and Rachel Heller reveal how an understanding of adult attachment—the most advanced relationship science in existence today—can help us find and sustain love. Pioneered by psychiatrist and psychoanalyst John Bowlby, the field of attachment posits that each of us behaves in relationships in one of three distinct ways:
ANXIOUS people are often preoccupied with their relationships and tend to worry about their partner’s ability to love them back
AVOIDANT people equate intimacy with a loss of independence and constantly try to minimize closeness.
SECURE people feel comfortable with intimacy and are usually warm and loving
Also central to the science of attachment is the discovery that our need to be in a close relationship is embedded in our genes; so, contrary to what many relationship experts today may tell us about the importance of remaining emotionally “self-sufficient”, attachment research shows us that our need to be close to our partner is essential. That, in fact, we can’t live without it.
In this book Levine and Heller guide readers in determining what attachment style they and their mate—or potential mate—follow, offering a road map, starting from the first date, for building stronger, more fulfilling connections with the people they love.
I am looking forward to gaining additional knowledge of myself, 12 step programs of recovery, and relationships in the coming years. Thank God for my sobriety!!!
