My life continues to be peaceful and serene. I feel extremely grateful to have the best son in the world and fantastic friends who would have my back no matter what. I have an awesome job where I have the opportunity to truly help others and I think of my coworkers as family. Grad school has continued to go well; so well in fact that I currently have a 4.0. We are set to start our specialized field placements in a few weeks and graduation will be next year.
Sobriety and recovery has brought me the awareness to be grateful for all of the things in my life. Even better, I am truly present in situations at home, work, or with my family/friends. I can honestly say that for the first time in my life, I feel free!
I want to offer an illustration of how bad my disease truly was: at the very beginning of my last relationship 3 years ago, my most recent qualifier told me of his last serious relationship, a woman he dated while living in Florida. He explained that their relationship ended because he had no other choice but to move home (Buffalo) with his young son because as a single parent, he needed family support. He reported that although their official relationship ended, they were still close friends and in fact, she flew to Buffalo on a couple of occasions to visit since that time. He was blunt and dead serious when telling me that he would not be ending his 'friendship' with her for any relationship although he would be willing to put their visits on hold because of course they always had sex during these times. He then told me that in fact, I reminded him of her and sent me some of her unsolicited pictures. Obviously this was a HUGE red flag but as I have been accustomed to, I ignored it. Instead I latched on to his opinion of our similarities and to make myself even more appealing to him, I would send him pictures of myself where I copied her poses, facial expressions, and hairstyles. When I think of this now, I am heartbroken at how quickly I erased myself to be what he wanted. (Like her.) I am posting one of the pictures that I took for him to remind me of how far I have come. Always be yourself!!!!
