Today is a huge milestone for both me and our country! I thought it rather interesting that my celibacy anniversary and the election is on the same day! While I realize that the U.S. Presidential Election is exponentially more important than my addiction, I also think it's an amazing achievement for someone who thought she needed to have at least one man in her life at all times!
While I realize that some people may consider this decision to be extreme, I needed an extreme solution to match my extreme problem. The pictures below were taken exactly 3 years ago, on the day that my life inadvertently changed forever. (If I look drunk, it's because I was. Reckless decision #9,457.)
In my addiction, I not only faced destructive and risky consequences that I have discussed extensively in this blog; I have realized that in my pursuit of men, I lost touch with who was most important: myself. And yes, even though I do miss sex sometimes, the benefits that I have received far outweigh any negative effects. I have finally found what I was searching for all of those years: an inner peace and knowing who I truly am and what I want. I found a detailed article posted on Medium.com that discusses a woman's celibacy experience. Much of what she shares I can definitely relate to. You can read the article below. And because I did my civic duty, I want to encourage others to do the same so GO VOTE!!!!
7 Benefits of 6 Years Without Sex (Plus Some Negatives)
By: Stellabelle
Mar 16, 2016
This post is designed for students of psychology & sexuality and anyone curious about what happens to your mind and body when deprived of sex for long periods of time.
If you have more questions or are writing a paper about the topic of celibacy, feel free to contact me in the comments below. I would be happy to share my findings with you. I am my own lab rat but would welcome the opportunity to help others who are studying the topic.
I first need to define what form my celibacy took and some history of my sexuality and general state of mind. For six years, I did not engage in intercourse nor did I masturbate with any regularity. It was like my sexual urges vanished altogether. I also did not engage in sexual fantasies. Occasionally, some libido would resurface and masturbation ensued, but for the most part, my libido retreated entirely. The cause of my self-inflicted celibacy can be attributed to a nervous breakdown after a relationship with a sociopath. The thought of sex would create a black death sensation in both my mouth and stomach.
In my thirties, I classified myself as a sexual fantasy addict with some sex addict behaviors like frequently having sex with strangers and using sex as an addictive substance like alcohol. At the time I was also an alcoholic, and these addictions overlapped. I disconnected my emotions from the sexual act and developed a terrible idea of what men were, based on my experiences.
I wasn’t into S&M or any other sexually deviant stuff. When people hear the term, ‘sexual fantasy’ many immediately think of truly unimaginative, base and degrading scenarios. This is the stuff that’s sadly spread around in the media.
My sexual fantasies were much more than just fleeting thought scenarios. They were huge castles from highly cultivated lands. They were sparked by odd things like white shoes and the veins in someone’s arm. They often formed around someone I knew but didn’t feel worthy of. The main component of my fantasies was this: impossibility. I am drawn to abject suffering and impossibility. It’s the fuel my imagination feeds upon. I like to construct elaborate stories that explore this unquenchable longing, and my sexual highs get even higher when I get even a slight signal that my world might spill out into reality. I’ve had several long-term sexual fantasy obsessions come to life and I must say, they were mind-blowing. They do not last, for they are not designed to. My creative thinking abilities are intricately tied to my sexual fantasy obsessions.
My obsessional nature has gotten me in a lot of trouble and I never understood it until a few a years ago. My mind is like a monkey running around constantly. It gets bored easily, and to compensate for boredom, it constructs fantasy worlds, CONSTANTLY. I never had a proper outlet for my ideas, my most intimate thoughts until very recently, when I started writing on this platform. I never considered myself to be a “writer” but a recorder of thoughts.
For me personally, the benefits of celibacy certainly outweigh the disadvantages. So, naturally, I recommend it as a short-term solution to solve some types of problems like lack of focus, addictions, purpose and mental resolve.
Here are the positive benefits I noticed throughout my celibacy phase.
Ability to create and record thoughts increased by 400%.
Increased mental processing power, speed and focus.
Increased self-esteem.
Increased empathic abilities.
Removal of excessive fears of contracting sexually transmitted diseases/pregnancy.
Sexual energy is transmuted into creative innovation and pursuits that are not selfish in design.
5 senses are heightened and made much more sensitive. You can gain true knowledge because your mind is not confused by desire. The reason this occurs is because you act and interact with the true world, not the one you want to fuck, control or dominate.
Here are the disadvantages (in my case):
Increased intake of food.
Inability to relate to 99% of the population.
Decreased feelings of love which lead to dark thoughts.
Extreme hypersensitivity which can lead to auditory and visual hallucinations. (example: my sense of smell is so acute that I have to run away when my nose confronts bad smells, like chemicals, dead animals, etc. These smells make my entire body convulse. Another example: 2 nights ago, I “heard” a bell. Hearing this bell woke me up but I soon realized my brain had created the sound.)
Increased dependence upon social media to satisfy social needs.
My 6 year-long celibacy phase has come to an end because I was recently “attacked” by sexual fantasies, three in a row. One fantasy was brought on by seeing a young man, another was created by an innocent text interaction and another one is a longer term fantasy that is only intellectual in nature.
Another reason I decided to end it is that I noticed I was eating too much. I prescribed myself masturbation therapy (at least twice per day) as well as making connections with real people. Dating is a possible solution, but not in the way I did in the past. I’ve decided this time around not to become intimate with anyone whom I don’t know thoroughly. I’m trying to inject rational thought into a an urge that is not rational in nature. This is the struggle for me. And, the last thing I’ve prescribed is writing about sexual fantasies as a way to diffuse their power over me. I’ve had a few really good ones recently. Maybe I’ll write about them soon.
Since I started these therapies, I’ve noticed I’m no longer over-eating at night. Also, I am starting to just feel better, healthier. I’m also able to connect better to people and be more interested in them. I’ve effectively severed the tie between my sociopathic ex and sex. This result has restored my perception of sex back to its original default setting: fucking is great when done with a great person.
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