First Blog Post.....New Beginning!

I decided to start writing my own blog for many different reasons including documenting my thoughts, detailing my journey, and sharing what I am going through with family and friends. However, the number one reason I am doing this is to hold MYSELF accountable. If in the process, I can help someone else, then that's even better!!!

Last night, I read the most eye-opening book. It was called Love Junkie: A Memoir by Rachel Resnick. I just purchased the book yesterday and I couldn't put it down; I read the entire thing in one day. I have never read anything before that hit home for me that much, it was uncanny. While I knew before reading this that I had a problem, this book has cemented it for me: I NEED TO QUIT THIS ADDICTION BEFORE IT KILLS ME. 21 years is such a long time to be in this much pain and misery, I have given up and lost far too much already. It stops. Now.

In the vein of holding myself accountable, I have 2 separate numbers to report. Today it has been 20 days since I last had contact with my latest addiction. Because I feel like my addiction has been spiraling out of control as the years go by, this most recent man was truly my perfect poison. He was like pure heroin to me. I have no idea how I mustered the strength to do it but 20 days ago, I blocked him and I haven't spoken to him since. I have not searched social media for him either.

The other number is 23. This has been the number of days since I physically engaged in my addiction. 23 days ago represented the breaking point of my addiction, where I knew I needed to stop the madness. Enough is enough. I will be 39 years old on December 20th. I WILL move past this and recover from this addiction. I will heal from all of the crap that I have put myself through and work through all the issues from childhood that I have never bothered to address, much to my own detriment. Please encourage me, follow my progress, and help to hold me accountable. My life depends on this!!!