Social anxiety struggle

From Psychologytoday.com:

4 Strategies to Stop Social Anxiety In Its Tracks
By: Jill P. Weber Ph.D.

If people and relationships didn’t matter to us or carry any meaning, then we would never experience the symptoms of social anxiety. People rarely feel social anxiety regarding events or people that have no significance to them. Yet the reality is most people do care and social anxiety can cause them to shut down and turn away from that which matters most: human connection. This response is a way to reduce anxiety at the moment, but in the long run, takes us further and further away from our natural desire to have close relationships or meaningful social exchanges.
There is a way out of this loop: start doing the exact opposite of what your social anxiety is telling you. The more you force yourself to connect and relate, in spite of your anxiety, the more natural this will become. And, most importantly, your relationships will deepen and you will feel less alone and isolated.
Here are 4 strategies to ward off social anxiety the moment it strikes and gain the connection you desire:

1. Talk

It goes without saying that talking with others is what you should be doing at social events. This seemingly easy task, however, becomes unbearably difficult when we experience acute anxiety—your heart is beating fast; your palms are sweaty; your thoughts are racing. It’s so hard to slow your mind down that you literally can’t think of what to say, or whatever you think of strikes you as silly or dumb or boring. Before you enter your next social event, come up with two or three things you can talk about. Then challenge yourself to discuss these topics no matter how anxious you are feeling. Also, consider that people love to be heard but not if they don’t have an engaged audience. When you are at a loss for what to say, be an audience for others by asking questions and reflecting back what you hear.

2. Make Eye Contact

Yes, you have to look others in the eye. And research shows doing this actually decreases social anxiety. So instead of hiding and avoiding through averting your eyes, stare that monster down. Our nervous systems connect through eye contact. Looking at others and seeing kindness, warmth or interest gives your brain in the moment feedback that says you are wanted and welcomed. Give gentle eye contact to show yourself you need not be afraid. Once you do it a few times your nervous system will start calming down and then it will be easier to relate.

3. Imagine Feared Scenarios

People who experience social anxiety often fear that something dreadful is going to happen at the event and they will be misunderstood in some eternal way. For example, people fear they will say the wrong thing and sound misinformed or do something inappropriate or be perceived as weird and not belonging. Before entering the next situation that you know is going to give you some social anxiety, sit down and make a list of what it is you fear. Then make a column next to each fear for how you would deal with the situation should your fear arise. So perhaps you fear “I’ll be ignored and no one will be interested in me.” To combat this fear you can do the opposite “I will look people in the eye and stay engaged through talking and asking questions.

4.  Breathe

In order to become more at ease in your body and decrease the physical arousal that anxiety brings, breathe. Each time you take a deep restorative breath in and then breathe out, you downshift your nervous system. Your heart rate starts to decrease, your palms will stop sweating and you will be able to access your charming self again.