It's baaaaack.....

Some time ago, I published a post explaining how my ever present anxiety was gone now that I was in recovery. Well, guess what? I spoke too soon. My anxiety has returned with a vengeance and it has been wreaking havoc with my mind and body. Right now the most annoying symptom is my skin picking disorder. I used to be a horrible nail biter; I would bite and bite until my nails bled and half the nail bed was gone. Well, somehow I managed to quit that bad habit but now it's morphed into picking at the skin around my nails. Like I used to do with my nails, I pick and pick until I am bleeding and in pain. This would normally be a serious problem but I think it is magnified by the fact that I have to be in environments that are not always clean as part of my job. Which means I wear Band-Aids around my two pointer fingers almost everyday. This is both embarrassing and costly; Band-Aids aren't cheap! In order to help me deal with this anxiety, I resumed taking my buspirone prescription. Obviously I also try to maintain positive thoughts as well. I am hoping that both of these methods help me to control this ever mounting anxiety.
I find it fascinating that I only thought my anxiety would affect me if I was in or trying to be in a relationship. While I continue to be grateful and proud of my sobriety, I realize that my anxiety indicates that I still have quite a bit of "stuff" left to work on. Also, I need to stop beating myself up about it because I am under quite a bit of stress with my job, grad school, dealing with my son's father, etc. I have been praying quite a bit lately, I know the only way I will be able to effectively deal with this is by leaning on and trusting God. 💓

Serenity Prayer

- Reinhold Niebuhr (1892-1971)

God grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change; 

courage to change the things I can; 

and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time; 

enjoying one moment at a time; 

accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; 

taking, as He did, this sinful world

as it is, not as I would have it; 

trusting that He will make all things right

if I surrender to His Will; 

that I may be reasonably happy in this life

and supremely happy with Him

forever in the next. Amen.