New Relationships

From finehomesandliving.com:

4 Steps to Take Before Starting a New Relationship

BY CAROL TREHEARN

For some people, being in a relationship feels like a necessity. Other people might consider this to be quite an unhealthy attitude, and it is certainly true that we should do our best to learn to love ourselves and our own company so that we aren’t dependent upon other people to feel happy. However, this is not necessarily true, there is nothing wrong with wanting to share as much of your life as possible with someone special, the key is to make sure that you maintain a healthy attitude to relationships. This means that when you have bad experiences, and we all do have them at one point or another, you use them as opportunities to learn and to grow.

It is also important that you approach each relationship you have in the right way, it’s no good simply hopping from one partner to the next without taking any time in between to grow and evolve. Those people who report being happiest in their relationships are those who set aside the appropriate amount of time to work on their own self development so that they can attract the partners they want, rather than trying to shape themselves to fit others expectations.

The following advice has been collated from a variety of sources but has given particular prominence to what psychologists who specialize in relationships think are the most important steps to consider when preparing to start a new relationship.

Make Sure That You Understand Yourself, Sexually and Emotionally

Beginning a new relationship is an exciting time, but it can also be a concerning time. Even the most confident people have the occasional worries and insecurities, and the pressure of a new relationship can often amplify these concerns. If you don’t take the necessary time to make sure that you feel comfortable with yourself, it is easy to inadvertently enter into a relationship from a place of emotional dependence. Being dependent upon your partner for your own validation and sense of self-worth puts undue pressure on them and, ultimately, it can leave you feeling isolated and unloved when they are unable to provide this validation.

Making sure that you understand yourself and have a firm grasp on your own sexual and emotional desires will make it much easier to communicate with your partner and to find your place in the relationship. Remember, other people won’t know what you want unless you tell them, so you shouldn’t be afraid to discuss with your partner exactly what you want, both sexually and emotionally. If you are both open with each other about these things, then you will both ultimately be better off and find it easier to satisfy one another.

Believe What Other People Show About Themselves

When we are attracted to someone, especially if that attraction develops into emotional affection, then it is easy to fall into the trap of rationalizing away all of their poor behavior and character flaws. If someone behaves disrespectfully to you repeatedly, then even if they profess to have respect for you, it is clear that they aren’t willing to put the effort in that will be required for a healthy relationship. Similarly, if you approach someone for help or support and they don’t give it to you then this can indicate a lack of care.

Of course, it is also important to recognize the corollary to this. For example, if you approach someone for help and advice that they are unable to give you, then they may still offer you whatever emotional support they can. This shows that they do care and have good intentions towards you.

Avoid Sextimacy

Sextimacy refers to the often destructive cycle of seeking emotional intimacy through sex. Of course, sex and intimacy are linked, but they are also different and you can’t achieve a meaningful and enduring intimacy through sex alone. If you are hoping to use sex to reach a more intimate point in a relationship then this is often a sign that you need to reconsider some aspect of the relationship or of yourself. Instead, sex should be a natural byproduct of intimacy which develops through a genuine emotional connection. Numerous studies have demonstrated that having more sexual partners does not necessarily mean that people feel more satisfied with their sex lives. Those who have the most satisfying sex lives are those who are having sex with partners that they have developed a strong emotional bond with.
Overindulging in sex isn’t just potentially damaging from a psychological perspective, it can also be risky for physical health. Between relationships, especially if you are remaining sexually active, it is wise to find out what STD testing options are available near you.

Don’t be Afraid to Try New Things

If you are hoping to attract someone whom you can start a long-term relationship with, you need to make sure that you make yourself into the kind of person that your ideal partner would want to be with. If you are struggling to attract the right kind of partners, then this might be a sign that there is something currently missing from your life or personality that they are looking for. Rather than fretting about what it is that you are missing, or worrying yourself that you won’t ever be able to attract the right person, you should instead concentrate on trying new things and having new experiences that will help you get there.
All experiences are valuable. Whether they are good or bad, they will offer you opportunities to learn more about yourself and about the world around you. If you fall into the trap of only surrounding yourself with the familiar and never stepping outside of your comfort zone, you will find it difficult to make any significant changes or to undertake any serious self improvement.
Before starting a new relationship, you need to do the preparatory work necessary in order to ensure that you are learning from your experiences and entering into each new relationship with a clear idea of what it is that you are hoping to get out of it and how you can best make this happen.