Celibacy

Today I have been voluntarily celibate for 127 days. At first, I thought that I would die without sex, especially missing it with my latest qualifier. While our relationship was toxic, the sex was absolutely mind-blowing for me. Now looking back on it, the toxicity could have contributed to the amazing sex. Regardless, I didn't think I could live without continuing to have sex with him. If not with him, then with someone.
Here is what I have found to be true: Is celibacy difficult to maintain? Yes. Do I miss this act of connection with another human being? Hell yes. Is it as hard now as it was in the beginning? Thank God, no. Does it help my recovery to abstain? Yes.
While it is extremely difficult to remain celibate especially as a sex and love addict, you know what's worse? Having sex with someone who didn't truly care about you and had no problem with making this clear whenever the opportunity presented itself. Putting yourself last time and again in order to make his sexual dreams come true in an attempt to get him to notice how much effort you put into your "relationship". Disregarding your safety by having sex with people whom you don't even know. Losing dignity and respect for yourself by having sex with people who treat you "less than". Being told that you have an STI and you can't pinpoint where it came from due to the number of men you slept with in the past several months. Having to inform current partners of aforementioned STI. Yes, I will take celibacy over any of these other options any day!