Healthy Relationships

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Healthy Relationships

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All healthy relationships – whether they are friendship, roommate or romantic – have similar characteristics. Consider the following list when thinking about your own relationships.

Qualities in a good relationship

While everyone has to decide for themselves what they want in a relationship and what defines a good relationship, here are some qualities to consider.
Both people:

Treat each other with respect

Feel secure and comfortable

Are not violent with each other

Can resolve conflicts satisfactorily

Enjoy the time you spend together

Support one another

Take interest in each other’s lives: school, clubs, friends family, work, etc.

Have privacy in the relationship

Can trust each other

Are each sexual by choice

Communicate clearly and openly

Have letters, phone calls, and e-mail that are your own

Make healthy decisions about alcohol or other drugs

Encourage other friendships

Are honest about your past and present sexual activity if the relationship is intimate

Know that most people in your life are happy about the relationship

Have more good times in the relationship than bad

Respect, Honesty, Trust & Communication

Respect
Learning about and valuing what is important to each other.
Honesty
Being candid about thoughts, feelings, and the desired direction of the relationship will allow both you and your partner the opportunity to simultaneously explore yourselves and the relationship.
Trust
Over time, trusting your partner will be necessary for a healthy relationship, but in the beginning trust is not automatic – it has to be earned. Always trust yourself to be who you are and to look out for your well-being. It is important to remember that trust is hard to earn but easy to destroy.
Communication
Communication is equal parts listening and speaking. When you and your partner are communicating, try to make them feel justified in their emotions. Repeat what is said as you understand it and ask if you understand the situation correctly. Don’t expect your partner to read your mind. Be as clear and direct as possible.

Unhealthy Relationships

Sometimes it’s not so easy to decide if a troublesome tie should be maintained the way it is, worked on, or ended before it goes any further. One thing to consider is if the relationship was ever different than it is now. Is there something stressful happening that could be impacting the way you interact? Maybe money is tight, you’ve moved, you are looking for work, are dealing with a difficult family circumstance, or are going through some other kind of transition. Or maybe there are problems from a while back that were never resolved, and are now resurfacing. What in particular is bothering you, and what would you like to see change? Talk over these questions with each other, or with someone you trust, like a friend, parent, or counselor. Think about what, if anything, you can each do to make the other feel more comfortable in the relationship.

Aspects of an unhealthy relationship

One or both partners:

Try to control or manipulate the other

Make the other feel bad about themselves

Ridicule or call names

Dictate how the other dresses

Do not make time for each other

Criticize the other’s friends

Are afraid of the other’s temper

Discourage the other from being close with anyone else

Ignore each other when one is speaking

Are overly possessive or get jealous about ordinary behavior

Criticize or support others in criticizing people by their gender, race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, religion, disability, or other personal attributes

Control the other’s money or resources (e.g., car)

Harm or threaten to harm children, family, pets, or objects of personal value

Push, grab, hit, punch, or throw objects

Use physical force or threats against the other

Blackmail the other from leaving the relationship