August 14

This evening I am utterly exhausted, my orientation for grad school was tonight so I got home late. I am going to share my daily meditation from Answers in the Heart because I can relate to the general idea very much, especially lately. I have such a strong sex and love addiction that I have been leaning towards the possibility that I may never be able to have a healthy sexual relationship again. Maybe I am selling myself short by expecting way too much in too short a time. It's only been 9 months after all. Maybe one day I will have a healthy relationship including a truly intimate sexual relationship with someone whom I am truly in love with. Only time will tell.

AUGUST 14
The reduction of the universe to a single being, the expansion of a single being even to God, this is love. — Victor Hugo

There is a profound connection between sexuality and spirituality. Both are expressions of the deepest parts of who we are; both touch our core being. Many of the qualities we associate with spirituality may be experienced when we are sexual: transcendence, self-forgetfulness, ecstasy, union with another, integration of all of oneself. There is nothing to fear in exploring all the dimensions of sexuality: emotional, mental, physical, and, especially, spiritual. In the past we cut off our spiritual selves in order to be sexual. Now we no longer have to pay that price or suffer that deep disconnection. We can bring all of ourselves, including our spirituality, into our sexual expression. Both come from our Higher Power. As our recovery progresses, we will know at a deeper and deeper level that our sexuality is nothing to fear or avoid. The addiction cannot harm us when God is present and our bodies and spirits are united.

God, I trust you to guide me in the healthiest and highest expressions of my sexuality.