Today I have spent some time doing some analysis of my self and driving motivations and I am a little surprised by the results. The results of my analysis are this: am I craving sex and tall, bearded men because I genuinely miss human contact and want to connect with someone? Or are my cravings a result of my desire to fantasize? It's the latter because I am currently incapable of the former. And why is that, you might ask? Well, I read an article today about emotional unavailability. Part of this article focused on possible reasons that people always seem to attract emotionally unavailable people. The conclusion was because they themselves are emotionally unavailable. The exact quote was "we attract what we give out." So maybe, just maybe, this entire time when I have been bemoaning my bad luck in always getting the emotionally unavailable guys, I have had that same exact label all of this time? I mean, I am highly uncomfortable with true intimacy. Moreover, I think I would be extraordinarily uncomfortable if a man actually treated me well. Maybe the fact that I am single and plan to remain so until after grad school is exactly what God's plan for me is, to allow me to resolve my intimacy issue. If I do indeed accomplish that, the chances must be pretty high that I too could truly fall in love someday.
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