April 10

From my daily meditation book, the best entry:

• APRIL 10 •
When you don’t feel yourself anything, I mean part of anything, that’s when you get scared. — Lillian Hellman

It is a cruel irony of sex addiction that what we desire — intimacy — is what we fear and believe ourselves incapable of. It is sad that being sexual, the act that should bring us closest to someone, instead isolates us. Yet intimacy in its truest sense, whether sexual or nonsexual, is what transcends loneliness. It is a uniquely human need. Fortunately, we can learn how to be intimate. We can actually become new people, capable of giving and receiving in intimate relationships. All it takes to start is honesty and willingness. As we learn to love ourselves for who we are, we will become intimate with ourselves and with others. Then, our sexual experiences will become intimate as well. I have a deep capacity for intimacy, and my recovery is teaching me how to love.