Reflections

I wasn't sure what to write about tonight but then I was divinely inspired: I want to write about just how far I have come within the past year. The reason why I picked this specific time is because 1 year ago from tomorrow is when I graduated from college with my BS in psychology. After so many years, I finally achieved that goal that I wanted and worked on for so long! It was by  far one of the proudest and happiest days of my life. I felt like I was on top of the world and yet.....
I felt restless and lonely. I was proud of myself, yes, but I didn't truly feel validated because I didn't have "a special someone " in my life at that time. Moreover, I was intriguing with an old boyfriend during that time period. I spent way too much time fantasizing, obsessing, texting, and planning to actually be present during the proudest time in my life. A few days after graduation, he ended up coming over so we could "hang out"= having sex. The entire time period we "dated" (which wasn't even a month) was a pretty big disaster. Him and I were not on the same wavelength and never had been, it just took me 9 years to realize it. During that time period, I went to my PCP and got an STD testing. I tested positive for an easily treatable STD which is a common result of this disease. I informed him about this, he claimed not to be freaked out, but I never heard from him again. Nor did I chase him. It was just over. And thank goodness it was. That was God doing for me what I couldn't do for myself.
In examining my life today compared to 1 year ago, it couldn't be more different. I have peace, sobriety, and a relationship with God and myself. I am practicing abstinence so I no longer have to think about STDs or any of the consequences that can come from sexually acting out. Every night, I pray for God's will for me and the power to carry that out.