Diligence

I am reminded time and again about how important it is to remain diligent about my addiction. Although I have several months in recovery now, I can't afford to rest on my laurels or think I can start dating anytime soon. Moreover, everytime I start my period, it seems like the obsessive, intrusive thoughts become stronger. For example, my town has a festival every July called Old Home Days. Every year they have a sign they put up in town advertising this festival. The sign will be going up soon. During last year's Old Home Days, I was dating my most recent qualifier and waiting for him to arrive in town to accompany me to my 20th high school reunion. I remember at that time thinking that this was one of the happiest days of my life. I was in love with this man who was so wonderful to me and who I was madly sexually attracted to. I thought my life couldn't possibly get any better. Just a few short months later, my life became a living nightmare when that same man dumped me abruptly, ripping my heart out of my chest and ending my faith in humanity. Little did I realize it at that time but that was the beginning of my realization that I suffered from sex and love addiction. That explains why after he dumped me that I thought I was dying and couldn't function for days. I know now that I will never again allow myself to feel that level of despair and despondency. The warning signs were all there, I just chose to ignore them. Lesson learned for the future.