The Basic Text

Last night I started rereading the SLAA Basic Text and I am so glad that I did. First of all, it was good timing to do this because I first read it 2 years ago, long before I became sober. It was enlightening to read it now while being sober because the words have that much more meaning for me. I also needed the extra exposure because of my trip to Buffalo tomorrow. While I am fairly confident that I will not see my latest qualifier there, I am worried about the memories and cravings that I will experience from being there once again. I have not been there since my last episode of acting out and in case you haven't noticed, I have been feeling anxious about this trip for weeks. It's ironic because it was my choice to go to the clogging festival. I love my friends, clogging, and engaging in activities that give me purpose but I just wish that I wasn't so disturbed and hesitant about traveling there. Stupid sex and love addiction. Grrrrr!!!!
With all of that being said, I do want to make sure that I am not getting caught up in euphoric recall. I must remember that my "relationship" with qualifier was toxic and he was not good for or to me. I need to not gloss over how unhealthy the relationship was, especially tomorrow. When we stopped talking, what did I really lose? A narcissistic asshole who was mean to his son and treated others like garbage. I deserve better.