Today I have hit another milestone: 160 days of NC/sobriety. I am extremely proud of my accomplishment especially because of how hard this addiction has been to give up. I always struggle with cravings during my period and this weekend has been no exception. Also, it doesn't help matters that I will be going to Buffalo on Friday. However this evening I realized that for all the excitement I experienced in acting out, there was always at least 3 times as much anxiety present at all times. Also, the constant pain of staying in a "relationship" where I was constantly being rejected no matter my best efforts was heartbreaking. So the high I got from when he did actually want me (only for sex of course) was never worth all of the effort, money, time, and loss of my self-respect or self-esteem. That is my realization on this milestone day. One day at a time, things will change.
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