Acting Out

Today is day 75 of NC. Today I miss acting out with every fiber of my being. Earlier, I unblocked my qualifier for 2 hours because of the withdrawal pain I am in today. I didn't contact him, he didn't notice, and I reblocked him after I came to my senses.
This disease, this addiction, SUCKS so effing much!!! It's so painful to abstain from all of these behaviors that I have clung to my entire life. Tonight I just feel uncomfortable in my body. I also feel restless and empty. I really have been having many urges and impulses that I have been making a conscious effort to not act on and with the exception of unblocking and reblocking, I have not acted on any of these.
I must trust that my life has played out this way for a reason and that God has led me to this place in order to heal, grow, and change. I need to accept that I have powerlessness over my addiction and that I can sit with these urges and impulses and not act on them. These feelings will go away eventually and I will feel better one day if I work the program and make an effort to be still with myself.
Right now, I need to work on having more patience and giving control of my life to God.